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The Honey-do List: What to do When Honey Won't Do

Updated: Aug 19, 2020

Most of us have jobs that need doing around the house. It might be fixing a leaky faucet, cleaning out the garage, or hanging wall pictures. In my case, I wanted our old bed dismantled and a new bed and headboard assembled. I also needed the old family room tv taken down and the new smart tv put above the fireplace. Since my husband is handy, I put these projects on his honey-do list with a polite request and went on about my business. Little did I know, I was in for a big lesson...

What I learned.

Weeks went by. I sweetly reminded hubby about the honey-do list. He assured me he had not forgotten. Yet as I marked off calendar days, I began to feel unheard and unhappy that the work wasn't tackled. It is not my husband’s norm to leave things undone, so I knew I was being tested. God often has me go through a thing so that I can share what I have learned by experience.

I didn't want to nag my honey so I prayed. God showed me how I had allowed a simple thing like a honey-do list to build up resentment in my heart. I had to repent for letting a little fox into my relationship to try to spoil the vine (Song of Solomon 2:15). Once I was free of negative emotions of irritation, annoyance and anger, I recognized that I had to make a decision. I mean…I still needed those tasks done, so I sought the Lord for wisdom.

Here were my options:

1. Wait for it. This is tricky. There are men who have an “I’ll get around to it” mindset. If you choose to wait, you can always set a deadline if your hubby agrees. But if the deadline is open ended, you have to know if you have the patience to allow your guy time to do the work when he is ready to fulfill your request.

2. Make a deal. This might work if you have something innocent you can leverage. For instance, my husband negotiated with me to put my office desk together if I treated him to a seafood dinner. We both held up our ends of the bargain and all went well.

3. DIY. Do it yourself was my mother’s go-to for household projects. She was heartier than I am. If there are small tasks you can manage on your own, hop to it. But know your limitations. Tasks can seem simple on HGTV but might not be as easy as they look. If you take this route, do your due diligence on Youtube University to see what you are really getting yourself into, and be honest with yourself about your capacity.

4. Hire Someone. If you have the ready cash, there are apps like Task Rabbit or sites like Home Advisor that allow you to hire help. Be sure to vet contractors thoroughly. Also, find out if the person is licensed, bonded and insured. I called a guy about hanging the tv and he mentioned that his insurance wouldn’t cover the tv, so I didn't use his services.

So, what option did I choose?

I chose to hire someone. I got my husband’s okay first (I never make decisions like that without his buy-in) then began seeking referrals from people I trust. Once I found the right person, something unexpected happened…the idea of another man completing my husband’s honey-do tasks unsettled him.

The day the man was supposed to come give me a price quote, my husband told me to cancel. Two days later, hubby spent the weekend completing the projects. Because I allowed God to cleanse the saltiness from my heart, God moved on my husband’s heart to complete the tasks. So, the next time your honey doesn’t do, give it to God, use wisdom, and don’t allow the little foxes to spoil your vine. It’s not that serious.

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